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## Writing

### Illogical Animal Crossing - Page 1

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#### Illogical Animal Crossing

Posted by: PichuUmbreon
Date: 2008-05-07 18:35:06
Somehow, DynaShock's story convinced me to start writing another fanfiction. Surprise, it's about Animal Crossing, but I used to play that game a lot a few years ago. And write really funny fanfics for it when I was on an Animal Crossing site for a short time. And since I enjoyed writing these kinds of fanfics, and find Animal Crossing a very good kind of game to make fun of, I decided to write another one.
And, since it's on here, an un-paranoid-about-content-affecting-minds site, I get to have it have swearing and slight sexual references!

Illogical Animal Crossing: Chapter One, Moving into Mt.Ember
*in Mt.Ember*
Alex: *drops a House Seed onto some sign and watches a house appear out of nowhere* Finally, I'm here and my parents can stop bitching at me to move out.
Nook: *runs crazily and pounces Alex* You owe me 14,000 bells!
Alex: What the hell? I already bought this house!
Nook: No, you approached it, and decided to get this house.
Alex: Does this not look like a Portable House that most of the villagers use?
Nook: No, it looks like a house I built.
Alex: *points in a direction* These are the four houses you built according to a nearby sign, but I'm not interested.
Nook: What houses?
Alex: Uhh…
Nook: ?
Alex: Look, free bells!
Nook: WHERE!? *runs in the direction Alex randomly pointed*
Alex: Who hired an idiot for selling stuff in this town?
Bob: *walks into the acre Alex is in* That guy barged into our town with his items and his greed, set up a shop, and ruined our lives.
Alex: He seems pretty easy to trick.
Bob: We do it all the time.
Alex: …Oh bah.
Bob: What? Oh wait, I hear Nook too.
Nook: *comes back crying like a baby*
Alex: His idiocy extends to crying?
Nook: I COULDN'T CATCH THE BELLS!
Alex: They're behind an invisible cave on the west cliff wall in, oh, Acre D-1. Thousands of them. But to go through it, you have to run.
Nook: Yay! *runs to Acre D-1*
Bob: *laughs* That's evil, Alex, but awesome.
Alex: Yes, I'm often awesome.
Bob: Well, I'm gonna go home, it's almost 11 PM.
Alex: Same, in my house that I don't have to pay more for. *enters house, jumps onto a bed in the first floor, and sleeps while K.K. Swing continuously plays as always*
*The next day*
Alex: *wakes up to annoying Animal Crossing Wild World Nook's Cranny music* …
Nook: Welcome to my new store! What do you want?
Alex: GODDAMMIT.
Nook: *points to a sign with rules listed on them, one of them saying "No Swearing"*
Alex: Shut up. *runs out of his house, taken over by Nook, who should have been in the hospital by now*
Nook: Where are you going?
Alex: It's not a matter of where I'm going, it's a matter of where _you_ are going. *raises hand and his house/Nook's Cranny suddenly turns into a small leaf, and Alex pockets it*
Tangy: *approaches Alex* Hey! I needed to buy some stuff!
Alex: From a house thief?
Tangy: A house thief is better than an idiot.
Alex: Not when he takes over my house and uses it as his store while I was sleeping. Besides, isn't he still an idiot?
Tangy: No, the last Tom Nook finally killed himself while he was running into a cliff in Acre D-1 yelling "BELLS BELLS BELLS BELLS!"
Alex: You mean there are multiple Tom Nooks?
Tangy: Sure. The Tom Nook now sitting in your pocket came to take the idiot's place. They always come to towns that they find aren't using their services.
Alex: I wouldn't use their services. Someone trusted in Mt.Ember should run the store here.
Tangy: I agree, but it's only legal for raccoons to be storekeepers.
Alex: Due to who?
Tangy: The mayor.
Alex: Well, then. Revolt! Or something.
Tangy: Bob is already attempting to send him a fake retirement letter from the government.
Alex: Well, let's hope that works out well.
Tangy: Except, there is no higher government. Animal Forest is an anarchy.
Alex: …Oh. Well, what if he's senile?
Tangy: He is.
Alex: Then we can hope for something.
Tangy: And if he doesn't, then Snake can go and assassinate him.
Nook: *distant-sounding* Let me out!
Alex: *pulls out leaf and throws it back onto the sign from where it was*
Nook: *comes out* Why did you do that?!
Alex: Because it's my house that I saved up and paid for. Go to the last Tom Nook's store or something.
Nook: But I don't want to. It stinks of spoiled fruit.
Tangy: It does.
Alex: Oh, great.

#### Re: Illogical Animal Crossing

Posted by: PichuUmbreon
Date: 2008-05-07 18:36:51
Illogical Animal Crossing: Chapter Two, Redd Takes Over
*along a riverbank*
Alex: *sighs* Where am I going to sleep?
Tangy: I don't know, but at least be glad that Tom Nook offered to save up to pay you so you can get a bigger house in return for letting him keep your house.
Alex: Yes, but I suck at sleeping outside, on the grass.
Tangy: But, a bigger house! He said it'd have a second floor and a basement!
Alex: True… and I would be able to store more stuff.
Tangy: And you'll be able to hold parties in it!
Alex: Sure. I just want sleep.
Tangy: Uhh… I'm still thinking about it.
Bob: *running towards them holding an half-eaten fish* Hey, guys!
Tangy: I got it! Bob can be your roommate!
Bob: Cool! We can play video games and stuff!
Alex: Uhh…
Bob: I heard you needed a house and a place to sleep. So you can stay at my house.
Alex: Meh, sure. Thanks.
Bob: Say, do you like fish? That's mostly what I eat, but I have a lot of fruit too, because they taste pretty good too, and for Tangy when she comes over for dinner or something.
Tangy: Yeah, his fruit is good.
Alex: Don't really mind fish. And, are you a vegetarian or something, Tangy?
Tangy: Yes, because it would be very disturbing for a plant to eat an animal, no?
Alex: …Aren't you a cat?
Tangy: You sure I am a cat?
Alex: I'll shut up now.
Tangy: Well, gonna go home. I'm getting sleepy.
Alex: Bye.
Bob: Let's play some video games, Alex!
Alex: Sure.
*in Bob's house*
Alex: *sees that the only beds in the house are facing each other* (Not when most of the animals don't wear pants.) *rotates one of them so they're both facing the south wall*
Bob: Why did you rotate one of the beds?
Alex: Dunno.
Bob: Oh, okay. Anyway, I got Secret of Mana playing. It's an RPG with humans like you battling against a bunch of weird monsters.
Alex: Sounds awesome.
*the next day, after Bob suddenly fell asleep onto the floor while they were playing Secret of Mana on the Super Nintendo, and Alex saved the game and fell asleep on one of the beds*
Alex: *wakes up to a bunch of annoying hammering outside Bob's house and goes outside*
A red fox: *hammering down stakes around a black tent*
Alex: Why have a store right next to somebody's house? Especially when it has "Black Market" crossed out on it?
Red fox: Hello, I'm Crazy Redd. I'm hammering down my store to compete with those idiotic Tom Nooks that want to control this town.
Alex: Good for you. You don't have infinite clones of yourself and you know how to run a good store, correct?
Redd: Correct! And I'm not a tanuki, so I don't hire clones to take my place when someone has defeated me.
Alex: Tanuki?
Redd: You don't want to piss one of them off. Or… smack! Your face gets raped by the hit of an instantly, extremely enlarged scrotum being swung around!
Alex: Uhh, I'll take your word for it. But I thought he was a raccoon, not a tanuki.
Redd: They pretend they're raccoons, due to the bad rap tanukis of course have.
Alex: Will he still pay me for another house if I decide to buy items from you instead of him?
Redd: Buy you another house?
Alex: I moved here two days ago, I made the last Tom Nook kill himself in his stupidity, the next day, another Tom Nook moves into my house and turns it into his store. But then he promised to buy me another house as long as he could keep it.
Redd: Ah, personally, I wouldn't trust any Nook to not break any of his promises.
Alex: Okay, well, I'll leave you to continue setting up your shop.
Redd: See you later, then.
Alex: *walks back into Bob's house and notices Bob still asleep on the floor*
Bob: *still doesn't wake up*
Alex: *opens Bob's fridge and pulls out some apples to eat them*

#### Re: Illogical Animal Crossing

Posted by: DynaShock
Date: 2008-05-08 16:09:07
Funny stuff man. Make more!
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