Animal Crossing: ROFL Edition - Page 1
This is my very own Animal Crossing fanfic. But, it's more of a parody than a fanfic.
This is an enhanced version of Animal Crossing: LOL Edition, which I made over at ACC.
ACC doesn't allow even the mildest of swearing, so this is what I put this up here for. So this is basically an uncut version of Animal Crossing: LOL Edition, so let this be a warning for all you guys without spines. There's moderate swearing. It also fixes typos, and inconsistencies.
One day, James was having a family dinner with his parents.
Mom: James, we have some news to tell you.
James: ..You having another baby?
Mom: No, silly. I'm very excited to tell you…
James: ..Spit it out, come on.
Mom: I'm building suspense, be patient.
Mom: I'M PROUD TO TELL YOU….
James: SAY IT!
Mom: THAT WE'RE FORCING YOU TO MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOMETOWN INTO UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY!
You're kidding, right?
Dad: Oh no. In fact, your cab comes tomorrow. Get packin'!
James: WHAT, A CAB?!
Dad: Yes, what'd you expect? A plane? A train?
Mom: HEY, THAT RHYMED!
Mom and Dad: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Dad: What was that, son?
-Later on, after James has packed up-
Mom: You all ready, son?
Dad: Now, James. You're going to live on our own, all alone, with nobody to turn to if you're in a bind. There will only be strangers around everywhere.
Mom: And that's why we arranged this, so you could go away from this noisy, polluted town to somewhere safer.
James: What do you mean polluted? There's no noise here. And I get along with everyone in this town.
Mom and Dad: lolwut?
James: You guys are idiots, you know that?
Mom and Dad: ?tuwlol
James: You feeling ok?
Mom: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE
Dad: AND MAKE IT DOUBLE
James: I'm starting to look forward to moving.
James: Ok, I've got my bag, all my clothes, 50 bucks, another bag, and a chair for some reason and I STILL think I'm forgetting something.
Mom and Dad: All ready to go, son?
James: No, not yet. I think I'm missing something.
Mom and Dad: Ready yet?
James: Didn't you just hear me? I'm trying to remember my most important item!
Mom and Dad: Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet? Ready yet?
James: DAMMIT! FINE! I'll get out of your hair. But if I forgot my super-special item of importance, I swear I'll sue, you stupid arses.
Mom and Dad: HAVE A GOOD DAY!
*Walking out of the house and down the front stoop, a small cab drives in front of the house*
James: Whoa. I don't know whether to be impressed at the fact that the cab got here right on time, or to be disgusted at the crappy, dirty little thing.
Mom and Dad: Ok, see you!
James: Wait, aren't you supposed to hug and kiss me like a bunch of sissyninnies so we can have a heartwarming family Hallmark moment before I leave for who knows how much time?
Mom and Dad: LOLWUT
James: Never mind.
*James steps into the tiny, tiny car*
James: Augh.. There's barely any room in here! *sniff* And it reaks of pure, unadulterated ass! Eugh!
Mom: Love ya, Jimbo! Have fun!
Dad: See you in twenty years!
Dad: See you in a while!
All of a sudden, the cab driver starts speaking through the microphone in the front.
Driver: Today we'll be driving to our destination, which is approximately 2398 miles away. We're looking at fair weather today, so we'll have a fairly smooth ride. This trip will take about two days and one night to fully complete. However we will stop for food and drinks in the middle of our journey.
James had not even noticed the driver of the car until now, and he was fairly shocked that he would just start talking out of nowhere. But the thing that caught his attention the most was the driver's voice. Somehow, all James heard was the strange man shouting gibberish into the mic, but his mind registered them as real words. James pondered this fact until the car lurched forward.
Mom and Dad: Bye, son! We love you! And we're speaking in unison! SPEAKING IN UNISON!
James was still shocked at the driver.
When we last left off, James had met the very strange cab driver. Upon noticing him and his garbled language that he could somehow understand, he got very confused.
Then he got scared nearly right out of his pants.
He had noticed that the cabby's head was very large, green, with a yellow spot around his mouth. He looked weird–no, he looked inhuman. Almost like a cartoon character…
Now, being from America, James had never heard of Kappas. For those who don't either, they're Japanese monsters that are infamous for snatching up children and eating them. Also, Kapp'n, the cab driver, is a Kappa. A sailor Kappa, to be exact.
And if James WAS from Japan, he'd be even more scared. But, back to the story.
James: …W..what the hell are you?!
Kapp'n: Why, I'm Kapp'n! Yar har!
For some reason, James felt he already knew the cabby's name, long before he stated it.
James: No…WHAT exactly are you?!
Kapp'n: I don't get what yeh mean.
James: What kind of hideously deformed creature are you?!
Kapp'n: HEY! I'M NOT HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED! HOW DARE YOU! ARR!
James: ….Sorry, but.. all I'm asking is… are you human?
Kapp'n took a long pause, and that's when James finally found out what situation he was in. No, Kapp'n wasn't hideously deformed, neither was he an alien, nor a cartoon character..
Kapp'n was a Crossian.
Now, James had heard of Crossians, which were completely different from animals (such as dogs), despite the similar appearance.
Crossians were a completely separate race, and were usually depicted as half-human, half-animal creatures. But they were just a myth…
At least, now James knew they were real.
James: You're a Crossian, aren't you?
Kapp'n: Hah, yep. Ye got me!
Kapp'n's cheerful response calmed down James a whole lot.
James: *deep breath* Huh, I thought you guys were just a myth?
Kapp'n: Arr, no. Y'see, we all live on a distant island called…erm…
I forgot… why don't you tell me?
James: Huh? ME? I have no idea what it's called.
Just then, James felt a sudden impulse to name the town he was driving to.
James: Agh…we're going…to…Mardunia…
Kapp'n: Yar har! Right!
Now, what's yer name, boy?
James: (Uhh, should I really let him know..?)
James felt another impulse, just like before.
(Whoa, why'd I do that?)
Kapp'n: Why, that's a great name for a girl!
James had felt the gist that this cabbie was turning crazier by the minute.
James: WHAT?! DO I SOUND LIKE A GIRL TO YOU?!
Kapp'n: Why, that's a great name for a girl!
James got another impulse.
James: *In a Wrestlemania-type, manly voice* I'm not a girl! Doesn't my name sound burly to you?
James: (Okay, that was weird. Now I just uttered an entire sentence without knowing it. And what the hell does burly even mean?!)
Kapp'n: Yar! Terribly sorry, matey.
James: Wait, how long will it take to get to our destination?
Kapp'n: Yar…about a day and a half, and one night now..
Then, James remembered what was so important that he forgot to bring (check Chapter 2). He forgot his Gameboy.
Sorry for multiple posts, I copied this from my site. Don't ban me, please.
Well, that gave me a quick laugh, to say the least.
(And I thought Animal Crossing fans went extinct some time ago >_>)
Nah, ACC is home to tons of AC fans. And I appreciate you enjoyed the story. There's more to come soon.
Note to readers: I have implemented some new text styles in my stories. Here is an explanation: Bold letters stand for narration. Italics stand for the thoughts of the speaking character.
Through the long, long journey, James was a bit confused and scared of the surrounding area around him. It looked all big, scary and bleak. Mostly bleak. Almost every day, it was raining. Nonstop. Seriously, man. That's pretty friggin' scary–wait, back to narrating. Ahem, well despite James' growing, grumbling hunger in the pit of his guts, Kapp'n never stopped for a rest or a bite to eat. As a result, James was utterly exhausted, and not to mention starving. But Kapp'n was all hunky dory in his front seat, keeping up the drive. It made James feel an emotion that was a combination of jealous, mad, sad, hungry, tired and just plain irritated. Pretty overwhelming, no? Well it almost got unbearable for James. Yet the drive went on. Let's see how the two are doing.
…How long have..I been sleeping…?
Kapp'n didn't respond.
James: Ugh…what time…is it?
He's not even responding.. What's wrong with hi–wait. Is that music?
And it was music. He heard a faint, scratchy tone that sounded like it was coming from old radio speakers.
Kapp'n: Ay, laddy! Yeh've finally woken up! I was wonderin' when you'd come back from dream land!
Kapp'n's ever-so-cheerful personality cheered James up quite a bit.
James: Huh… where is that music coming from?
Kapp'n: Why does it matter, laddy? It's good music!
James: Not really..
Well, how long away from this 'Mardunia' are we?
Kapp'n: Erm… uh…le'see…
James: Ugh, here we go again with the suspense-building..
Kapp'n: Ah! We be almost there, yeh wee polliwog!
And all of a sudden, Kapp'n floored it.
James: AUGH! ARE YOU RETARDED?! GOING THAT FAST IN THIS WEATHER?! THAT'S PRACTICALLY SUICIDE! OR HOMOCIDE, IN CASE YOU LIVE!
Kapp'n: Mardunia ho!
All of a sudden, the car was enveloped in a white, sparkling light which dazzled James so much that he nearly peed himself. The car went through some sort of gate.
Suddenly, the two arrived in a magical-looking area full of trees and green grass with plenty of houses in the horizon. James could see a big beach, far out on the end of the island.
He saw people playing tag in the pathways, most of them Crossians. He saw two hedgehogs waving to them as they passed by two shops. It was so sunny out, you could hardly believe it.
Kapp'n: We're here!
James: …Oh hell yes.
Here is the somewhat long-awaited newest chapter to the LOL Edition saga,
In the last chapter of the story, James had just arrived at Mardunia and was already amazed at how stunningly beautiful it was. There were so many trees around, clean green grass, winding pathways to explore, and sights to see that James could not hold himself back. He had to get out of the car as soon as possible.
James: LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUUUUUT!
Kapp'n: Yar har, Mr. Eager Beaver! What be the rush?
James: I had no idea this place would be THIS awesome! I NEED TO GET OUT NOW!
Kapp'n: Hold on, laddy. We'll get to the Town Hall soon enough.
James: AW! Come on! I wanna explore! I wanna swim in the beach!
Kapp'n: Look, lad, we're comin' up close! It'll only be a minute!
James: It better be.
5 Minutes Later…
James: AGH ARE WE THERE YET
Kapp'n: As a matter of fact, yes. We are.
They were finally pulling up to the Town Hall. However, an odd thing happened. More indescribable music started playing as they stopped in front of the small building. It was a cheery, fast tune. But, as there was no radio in the car, it seemed to be coming from nowhere. This happened once before, but this was the first time it really concerned James.
James: Okay, you have to tell me what's up with this music.
Kapp'n: What? It's just normal music. Nothin' to it.
Now here's your stop. Take yer things and go in the town hall.
James: Aw, come on! I go all this way, and the first thing I have to do is go into the Town Hall!? No! I wanna explor–
James went into a trance. He needed to go in the Town Hall.
I…have to go in the Town Hall first. Of course.
Kapp'n: Alright! See yeh sometime.
James then grabbed his stuff and got out of the car, unaware of what he was even doing. The cab drove away.
James: Must…go in Town Hall…yes, of course…
James walked in the Town Hall's entrance.
James: What the…? How did I get here?!
James saw a pelican at the front desk. And he heard music again. More of a whistley tune..
James: *sigh..* Hello…
Her name is Pelly.
Again, James knew someone's name before even talking to them.
Pelly: Hello! What can I do for you today?
James: I just came here by cab, and I was wondering where I'm supposed to stay.
Pelly: Oh! You're the newcomer! I should've expected it, what with all the…flesh.
No offense. There's just not too many…humans around here.
James: Ah, none taken. I suspected as of much.
James let out a laugh. He was getting fond of this place.
Pelly: So, you were wondering where you're going to lodge? No problem. I have a map right here. Take it, free of charge!
James: Wow, these Crossians certainly are nice people.
Pelly: I marked your house on the map. Also, you're not living alone. 3 other…humans live there as well. I hope you have a good time here!
James: Other humans…I could get some advice from them if I'm ever in need. And having people you can relate to is cool.
Okay, see you later!
Pelly: Good day!
????: Wait…just…a…minute, young…chap..
James looked around and saw a short, scraggly, old-looking tortoise in front of him.
You…look..like a dependable…young boy….
Tortimer: Hah…I'm the town…mayor! Nice…to meet you!
James: You too. I really should be going…
Tortimer: No…hijinks, young'un…or there will…be a price…to pay!
Tortimer let out a tired laugh that sounded more like a cough than a chuckle.
James: ..Eheheheh….ok, see ya later..
James was royally creeped out by that guy.
This brings up some really good memories of when I used to be an active comedy-adventure fanfiction writer. XD
James had a tough time getting around the beautiful, yet maze-like landscape of Mardunia. There were so many twists and turns, and winding roads that James got lost very easily. It was a good thing he had the trusty Town Map with him, or he would be utterly stranded. As he walked up to what was marked on the ma as his house, he stared up at it in amazement.
James: Holy shipwreck….
And so it was. The colossal house towered over him, several stories up.
James: I guess more people living in one house means that the house has to be bigger.
Still, this thing is giant.
James walked inside, finding himself in a large room with a set of stairs, and three doors. There were odd little furniture items all around, and it made the experience a bit more exciting. There was also a ballad-y tune coming from a rare 50's turntable on the upper-left side of the room. James stared at it, stupified.
James: A 50's TURNTABLE?! My god, these are really rare nowadays… This must've cost a fortune..
Hmm, I'd like to look around this place…
And so he did. He went through the leftmost door and found a guest room, full of beds so multiple visitors from other villages could sleep over. He went through the rightmost door and found a lounge area, with a fireplace, several comfortable couches and a TV set. He saw what was in the top door, too. He found a kitchen with a microwave, refrigerator (complete with fresh fruit) and blender. As he walked up one flight of stairs, he saw quite possibly the coolest thing ever.
James: A GAME ROOM! YAY!!! ARCADE GAMES! DARTS! A PUNCHING BAG! THIS IS HEAAAAAAAAVEEEN!!
Wait.. must get a hold of myself. Gotta go upstairs.
James walked up the last flight of stairs and found four beds, three of which were occupied by sleeping humans.
James: Huh, so this is who lives here..
James had a sudden headrush.
James: Max, Rex, and Lilly.. HOW DID I KNOW THAT?
James felt a bit scared and concerned, but just shrugged it off after a few moments.
James: Hello? Max? Rex? Lilly?
You guys awake?
James: Wow, they must be really tired. And…so am I… *yawn*
James lied down on the bed, but got a terrifying shock, as if he had just touched a snapped electric line.
James: MMM IT'S SO COMFY AND SOFT! ..BUT I CAN'T SLEEP NOW!
He fell off of the bed, still dizzy in pain. Little did he know, was that this island wasn't 100% paradise.
To be continued.
dude, you should continue this story, it kinda reminds me of the first days I played in my Animal Crossing games.
I bet that the author thought it was way too newby and couldn't bear to complete it after he checked it out once again about a year after he started it.
I bet that's what happened.
Wow, nice comment.
Too bad this topic is over four months old and you're not contributing anything.
But I knew that. About the four months thing? That's why I posted. To make it rather ironic.