Meganium Man!
Posted by: Bert
Date: 2015-02-02 20:01:27
UPDATE 5/8/2016: Editing out profanity because I seriously don't know what I was thinking. Let me know if you spot any.
Meganium Man #1: A Hero is Born
There are many stories circulating about people who decided to make a difference. Some turned to charity, some started organizations for specific causes, and others travel the world raising awareness for their cause.
This is not one of those stories.
Weve all heard the typical superhero tale: something tragic happens to the main character, giving them a reason to don the cowl and/or cape, and they go out to stop the bad guy. Now, thats all fine and dandy, but wouldnt it be cool to see someone do it, just because they can? Sure, they still want to make a difference. They just decided to be spontaneous about it.
Harley the Meganium was watching TV, flipping through channels and hoping to find something to watch other than reruns of stuffy drama shows. Sitting on his black couch and flipping the up channel button on the remote control with a vine whip, Harley was quickly losing hope in finding something to watch. Everything he came across was so aggressively boring, it drove him a little bit closer to the edge of sleep.
Yknow, itd be really nice just to see a rerun of Fresh Prince of Goldenrod City, Harley complained. Flick. Reality show. Flick. A drama show. Flick. The news. Wait, whats this?
On the screen was a Kricketune, with a microphone clipped to his left blade-like arm. Several police cars were behind him, scattered throughout a parking lot. Kricketunes fabulous moustache was looking as dapper as ever, but he was less famous for his news reporting abilities and more for his galloping egotism.
This just in: Im awesome, Kricketune said.
A Quilava pushed Kricketune aside, stood on his hind legs, and faced the camera. Somebody off screen handed him a microphone of his own.
Now for the real story. Moments ago, a Crawdaunt stormed into the Cherrygrove City Bank and, based on what we have seen through the windows, has taken everyone inside hostage.
The camera panned over to a shot of the police cruisers. A Zangoose, a mongoose-like Pokémon famous for the red stripe across its belly, was standing at the frontlines with a megaphone.
Whoa, Harley said in awe. This is television!
Chief Zangoose held the megaphone up to his mouth. His voice gritty and a slightly nasally, he bellowed, Crawdaunt! Let those innocent Pokémon go! What do you want?
A window was shattered from the lobsters punch, and glass dropped from the sill and onto the ground.
Whaddya think I want?! Crawdaunt screeched back. I wanna be rich!
Zangoose looked to his partner, a Seviper. The snake shrugged, a motion which involved bringing its back hunches together, and then releasing them quickly.
Um all right. Well, how about this, Crawdaunt? Let those people go, and you can keep any money youve already stolen!
Inside the bank, two hiding tellers, a Heatmor a red, yellow, and brown anteater and a Graveller a large rock with four arms, were quietly talking to each other.
The heck, is he serious? Whats Zangoose doing? Graveller asked Heatmor. His voice had a hint of a cockney accent.
No clue, replied Heatmor. But it sounds like a trap.
Despite whispering, Crawdaunt heard them loud and clear. HEY! the lobster bellowed. Pipe down! The cops and I are having a chat!
Harley was glued to the TV, even inching closer to it to get a better look. The gold star on Crawdaunts head shone in the sunlight. Zangoose and Seviper had no idea how to proceed, but at least Crawdaunt was stuck in the building.
Holy smokes! Someones gotta do something, Harley commented on the situation. He remembered he was a grass-type Pokémon, which had an advantage over water-types such as Crawdaunt. Being the only local grass-type, he felt like a shining beacon of hope. Shining like the star on the lobsters noggin.
But Harley couldnt just go out and try to save the day. He needed a disguise. Something to hide his identity, so nobody would know who this mysterious crusader really was.
This looks like a job for
The sauropod bolted upstairs to his bedroom, snatching a blue pillowcase and blue bedsheet from the nightstand on the right side of his bed. Then, he returned downstairs and pulled a pair of scissors out of a kitchen drawer, and cut out four holes out of the pillowcase: two for his eyes, and two for his yellow antennae. Harley tied the sheet around his neck, underneath the red flower petals, and put the new, heavily modified pillowcase around his head.
Meganium Man!
Trying to save the day is extremely noble. Foolhardy, but noble. Harleys only advantage right now was his type advantage, but even water-types could pack a lot of bulk. Not that he cared, since the dinosaur was on a serious adrenaline high.
Meganium Man opened the sliding door leading to the backyard, poked his head out, and looked around. His neighbors werent out, so he was in the clear to go through the woods without being spotted.
Venturing through the underbrush, Meganium Man headed east for Cherrygrove City, walking behind the scenes of Route 29. The walk was far from ideal: the woods were cramped, he tripped over branches, and things pricked him.
Hyurk! he groaned after stumbling over yet another branch and hitting the ground. Looking right, he saw a familiar sight: the police cars, the news reporters, and the bank. He had arrived at the outskirts of Cherrygrove City! Now he just needed to get into the bank and stop Crawdaunt. The lobster wasnt anywhere near the windows, and Harley could only hope the crustacean wouldnt see him.
Meganium Man would learn the phrase, easier said than done, the hard way.
The hero walked to the site, asking Chief Zangoose, Any progress, Chief?
None! the mongoose replied. Crawdaunts just holding tight for now. We want to go in and get im, but wedont knowhow wed do it, he trailed off when he saw who he was talking to. Erm are you lost, son?
Lost? No, Chief! Meganium Man replied. I wanna help you out!
Riiiiiight, Zangoose said. Look, kid, its great that you wanna help, it really is! But this is a job for the police, not a rank amateur.
Chief, with all due respect, me being a grass-type Pokémon can wall his water-type moves. I can take him down quickly with my Razor Leafs!
Zangoose turned to face the dinosaur directly and asked, And what happens when he knocks you out?
Meganium Man, smiling, replied, Then you can haul my butt to jail for interfering! Ill go peacefully, quietly, and Ill make sure I enjoy doing hard time. But, not at least letting someone who has an upper hand is a mistake.
Seviper hesitantly added, He has a point, Chief. Your Thunder Punch means you have to be real close, which means Crawdaunt could hit you with a Beam attack. Distance is key.
Zangoose sighed. What if you get hurt? What if you get killed?
Dont worry, Chief Zangoose. There wont be any blood on your hands.
The mongoose had no idea if Meganium Man was serious about anything else, but he knew the dinosaur meant that. He just had one more thing to ask the green sauropod.
Son, are you totally crazy?
Crazy is my middle name.
Zangoose said to Seviper, You and I will distract that walking seafood special while the Green Goofus here rescues the Pokémon inside. That sound all right with you?
Works for me, said the viper. My Glare technique will freeze the poor crab in place from fear!
Knock em dead, kid, Zangoose said, flashing the sauropod a thumbs-up.
Its Meganium Man, chief, Harley replied, smiling.
Little did they know that Crawdaunt knew about the plan. He was watching the news footage on a TV behind the counters, and was more than ready to take down Meganium Man. He had no reason to go to the window now!
You fools! Itll take more than an angry expression and a bag of leafs to take me down.
Ding-a-ling!
Harley had entered the bank, using a Vine Whip to open the door; the bells alerted Crawdaunt to his presence. He saw Crawdaunt watching the news, and the lobster turned to face his foe.
So, Meganium Man, is it? What a nice name. Your moniker isnt enough to frighten me!
Maybe you should look out the window.
Why would I want to look at Sevipers ugly mug when youre right here?
Meganium Man now knew that Crawdaunt learned of the plan.
Thats right, bucko. Its all out in the open. They mightve cornered me, but there arent enough of them to take me down. My little crime spree isnt over yet!
Well, then you shouldve started somewhere other than a bank. In the middle of the day.
SHUT UP! the lobster yelled as the star on his head began to glow. An array of smaller, sparkling stars shot out from it and pelted Harley, shoving him into the wall behind him. The stars edges were sharp, and slashed and nicked Harley little by little. When the stars faded away, he was covered in small, but noticeable scratches.
Grunting, Meganium Man got up, eager to take down the bank robber. Crawdaunts Swift attack wasnt going to keep him down! He walked towards Crawdaunt, who started backing off, but clearly had other things in mind. Meganium Man could see it all on the criminals face. What was he planning?
When his back hit the wall, Crawdaunt danced. It was an unusual dance, full of bizarre hand motions nobody would even think of performing, even at gunpoint. Crawdaunts body moved and shimmied in odd ways, and his feet kicked around wildly. Meganium Man stared, confused, at this display.
That was strange.
Faster than a speeding Bullet Punch, Crawdaunt aimed his right claw at Harley and shot a large, winding blast of water at him. Hydro Pump, just like Swift, shoved Meganium Man away but at a much more violent speed, and the dinosaur collapsed before even hitting the wall. Panting and nearly choking, Harley couldnt focus on his enemy for the time being, which was the perfect chance for Crawdaunt to attack again.
He bolted over to the subdued hero and kicked Meganium Mans belly with his left foot, whopping him onto his back. The attack was a hefty one and left Harley without any air to breathe in, something Crawdaunt used to his advantage: the lobster placed his right foot on Harleys chest and pushed down just a little, incapacitating the caped crusader.
So! This your first day as a moron? Crawdaunt sneered. Harley spit at him, a little dab of saliva landing between the crustaceans eyes. Why you little
Crawdaunt leaned down, opened his right pincer wide, and rested it against Harleys neck.
Snip, snip, youre dead. Is that all you got?
Realizing his right foot was in the perfect position; Harley brought it up and kneed Crawdaunt in the groin.
Oof! the lobster heaved, moving his claw away and tipping over in agony.
Haha! Harley breathed in. While Crawdaunt recovered, Meganium Man opened the door and said to the staff and customers, Hurry! Get out while theres time!
Soon after the customers and tellers left, Crawdaunt groggily got up. Getting kneed in the crotch is not an easy thing to recover from.
All right, no more games! I was taking it easy on you before, but now youre gonna be one dead dinosaur!
Before Crawdaunt could attack, Harley picked up a nearby chair with his vine whips and chucked it at the lobster. Crawdaunt pushed it away with his Hydro Pump attack long before it came near him.
Youll have to do better than that, Meganium Man!
Meganium rushed forward, hoping to get up close and personal with his enemy. His head was lowered, his nostrils were flared, and his teeth were bared as he barreled towards Crawdaunt.
But Harley had a plan. Crawdaunt stepped out of the way just before being tackled, which gave Meganium Man the chance to quickly turn and kick the crab with his two hind legs. Whap! It worked, and Crawdaunt was pushed back towards the window Zangoose and Seviper were stationed at.
Hes almost got im! Zangoose said.
Lets finish this, Crawdaunt! Meganium Man declared to his enemy, taking a defensive stance. He spread his legs just a tad and angled his head. He was now facing the window and could see part of Zangooses left shoulder, but Crawdaunts back was turned to it.
Crawdaunts pincer started glowing light blue and was ready to dish out the Crabhammer to end all Crabhammers. He jumped into the air, screaming like a ravenous banshee, determined to deliver the killing strike.
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WHAM! Crawdaunt slammed his pincer into the ground, just missing Meganium Man as he jumped back. The effort the lobster exerted into the attack wore him down instantly.
N-no!
Meganium Mans leafs shredded themselves up and formed little blades no bigger than a shaving razor, and shot themselves in Crawdaunts direction.
AAAARGH! the criminal screamed as leafs slashed his skin; it was much worse than when Harley had been hit by Swift. It was super effective against him, due to the type advantage. Eventually, the attack ended, and the leafs returned to their place around Harleys neck. Now an injured, defeated, and discombobulated mess, Crawdaunt, due to the inability to focus from exhaustion, turned around, facing the Chief and Seviper.
The viper flashed Crawdaunt a menacing glare which paralyzed him from fear; something in the lobsters brain snapped at the sight of it. His eyes were widened, his mouth formed a vile grin; Sevipers glare was angry in ways that defied anger. Thats how terrifying it is!
Wow, he actually did it! Chief Zangoose complimented. He and Seviper barged into the bank with handcuffs, shifted Crawdaunts arms behind him, and arrested him. The snake moved the lobster out of the bank, a difficult task since Crawdaunt couldnt move his legs, while Zangoose stayed behind temporarily.
So, that was fun, Meganium Man huffed, tired from the brawl.
That was some good stuff, kid! Nice chair toss, by the way.
Oh, thanks!
He and Zangoose returned to the steps of Cherrygrove Bank, waving to the cheering crowd that had come to congratulate them.
Well, Meganium Man? Whats next on your agenda? asked Seviper, returning from loading Crawdaunt into the patty wagon.
Taking on a boastful and confident tone, Harley declared, Where trouble lurks, I will be there to smite it! Where criminals gather, I will flush them out! When evil arrives, I will slam the door in its ugly face! Beware, Johto! Theres a new crimefighter in town, and his name is MEGANIUM MAN!
He almost answered the question, Chief Zangoose said to Seviper.
The end of Episode #1!