AUGH! What am I doing with my life?!!
Posted by: glitchhunter09
Date: 2009-02-13 20:13:17
You see while I may act happy all the time, I'm actually hurting inside. I think it is time to tell a story that I try to keep behind me. It is a sad story, about me. It all started five years ago or so….
I had just gotten over a crush I had on a girl. I was looking for a new crush. One that did not have a boyfriend yet. I found her riding my bus. My self esteem was heavily shot because of my failure last time. I lack the discipline and skill needed to ask a girl out. There are times where I can't say anything to them to the point where they think I'm stalking them.
The sad part of this is that I got this girl in the predicament. I was so mesmerized by her beauty that I did not know what to do. Eventually She started to dislike me because she found me annoying. In truth I am annoying. I can't help it. I'm naturally annoying due to my ADHD. I also grew up without a father most of my life due to reasons that no one should ever know. (hint: think Micheal Jackson. Not child dangling from a window either.) As a result of this I do not act my age and I also have no training in talking to women properly.
I was also spoiled a lot as a child. My parents would buy me anything I wanted because my older sister was sent to a foster home. I actually wish I didn't get spoiled so much because I'll that pampering softened me up the older I got.
Getting back to the story though, the girl refused to be reasonable to me. The strange thing was the more she got annoyed the more I was attracted to her. Eventually though it drove me insane. 5 years later she gets some College student boyfriend. I apologize to her for annoying her and giving her grief for the past 5 years. We are only friends for a couple of days and she starts avoiding me again. I spent the next couple of weeks trying to figure out what I did. Then I finally asked her why she said that I was always sitting next to her and it was getting on her nerves. I said I didn't understanf but really I did. I had gotten over her Which is why i became friends with her. I still had feelings for her of course but after she broke my heart they greatly diminished. She still couldn't trust me. I can't help it though. I like sitting close to my friends and I'm naturally intrusive. I just can't help it…
I feel like such an idiot…. What makes me suck also is the fact that I have a bitchy Aunt who lives with me and she is always putting me down, and calling me lazy… It greatly diminishes my self esteem. She refuses to find a home of her own because her husband is unemployed and she has 8 kids who live there as well. Bunch of stupid idiots. I wish they would all die at times.
The wireless internet is a mess and even though it is like that she blames me for the wireless going out on me going to websites. Which is out and out retarded. She just doesn't want to admit she is a cheap piece of shit and that I'm right and she's wrong. I fucking pisses me off. Her putting me down is probably the reason why my grades suck and another reason why talking to girls just doesn't come naturally for me. She has hurt my pride and self-esteem.
I blame her for everything including my inability to learn how to hack roms!
I know this post is probably a waste of space and will be deleted, but I want you to know this:
I've pretty much sacrificed everything I've ever worked for in my life just to have it all blow up in my face afterwards. I don't blame anyone but those parties listed above.
I know some of you probably don't care but I thought it was time I opened up to someone. I've kept my lips sealed for practically my whole life and now it is time someone learned the truth about my real history.