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Funny joke - Page 1

Funny joke

Posted by: ?????(000)
Date: 2009-10-24 03:48:38
It was three days from Thanksgiving. A little six year old boy was sleeping, he suddenly awoke to his parents shouting, he heard the words bitch and bastard. So he goes into his parents room and asks, what does bitch and bastard mean? The parents dismiss him and say it only means boys and girls. The next night he again overhears his parents say two words, dick and condom he goes in and asks what they mean. The parents say they are only names of coats. On Thanksgiving day, the boy is walking down the stairs when he hears his dad say shit! from the bathroom. He goes inside to see his dad shaving his beard. His dad tells him its the stuff hes shaving off. The boy goes downstairs where his mom accidentally cut herself while slicing turkey. fuck! she yells. The boy asks what it means and the mom replies its what im doing to the turkey. The doorbell rang, and since his parents were occupied he went to get it. Outside are all his relatives, he says, hello all you bitches and bastards, put down your dicks and condoms. Dad is shaving the shit off his beard and moms inside the kitchen fucking the turkey!


Anyone else wanting to post up jokes, place them here. We all need a good laugh. You mayalso comment on the jokes that get posted up.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Missing? NO!
Date: 2009-10-24 11:31:02
That was the best laugh I have had in a while.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: ?????(000)
Date: 2009-10-24 12:06:10
Amazing what a little misunderstanding can do.

Three men are on the top of a cliff with a genie. The genie said what ever you wish to land when you jump off the cliff you will land in. The first man said money and landed in money. The 2nd man jumped off and said pillows, he landed in pillows the 3rd man started running, tripped on a rock, and said Oh crap and guess what he landed in.

Crap.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Ratipharos
Date: 2009-10-24 12:07:27
These are the oldest jokes ever. No offense.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Ketsuban
Date: 2009-10-24 13:17:20

These are the oldest jokes ever. No offense.


Oh do sod off you tit.  This is funny.

Oi Jolteon, maybe you should do standup.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: glitchhunter09
Date: 2009-10-24 13:23:43

"moms inside the kitchen fucking the turkey!


Win.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Ratipharos
Date: 2009-10-24 13:33:31


These are the oldest jokes ever. No offense.


Oh do sod off you tit.  This is funny.

Oi Jolteon, maybe you should do standup.


Taken from http://www.lol.com/

Really, they are funny.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: ?????(000)
Date: 2009-10-24 13:37:29


These are the greatest jokes ever. Seriously.


Oh I'm glad you agree my friend.  This is funny.

Oi Jolteon, maybe you should do standup.


No thanks.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Ketsuban
Date: 2009-10-24 15:17:53
The Hippie and the Nun

Once upon a time (Approximately, 30 years ago) there was a Hipster who had just gotten stoned. He got on a bus and sat at the back where there was a Nun reading the Bible. Being stoned, he asked, Hey. Wanna hook up and score? The Nun simply replied, No no, thank-you anyway. My virginity is Sacred. Feeling stupid, the Hippie finally gets to his stop and is about to leave when the bus driver stops him.
Dude, if you really want to hook up with her, you should go down to the Church every Sunday. She is a Christian and a dedicated one too. She literally LOVES Jesus! This gave him an idea
He dressed up as Jesus and walked into the Church on Sunday. Sure enough, he saw the Nun praying. He walked up to her, held out his arms and said, Behold. I am the mighty Jesus Christ. Lets score. She was overjoyed

After it was over he ripped off the Costume and screamed, Hah! Im really the Hippie!.

The Nun simply replied, And Im really the Bus Driver.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: ?????(000)
Date: 2009-10-24 16:51:17
I got some insult/jokes. They were originally "blond" jokes, but I edited them slightly.

My idiot friend called me and asked me for my phone number.

Yesterday I went to my idiot friend's house and he was staring at an orange juice box. I asked him "why", he said "because it says concentrate"

His idiot girlfriend put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

My idiot friend tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order.

He tried to drown a fish.

He got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

He tripped over a cordless phone.

He asked for a price check at the dollar store.

He slept with a ruler to see how long he slept.

He studied for a blood test.

When he heard that 90% all crimes occur around the home, he moved.

When he missed the 44 bus he took the 22 bus twice

When he took me to an airport he saw a sign that said airport left, then he turned around and went home.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Guy
Date: 2009-10-24 19:45:45

I got some insult/jokes. They were originally "blond" jokes, but I edited them slightly.

My idiot friend called me and asked me for my phone number.

Yesterday I went to my idiot friend's house and he was staring at an orange juice box. I asked him "why", he said "because it says concentrate"

His idiot girlfriend put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

My idiot friend tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order.

He tried to drown a fish.

He got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

He tripped over a cordless phone.

He asked for a price check at the dollar store.

He slept with a ruler to see how long he slept.

He studied for a blood test.

When he heard that 90% all crimes occur around the home, he moved.

When he missed the 44 bus he took the 22 bus twice

When he took me to an airport he saw a sign that said airport left, then he turned around and went home.
MEGA ROFLCOPTER! Where did you find these?

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Ratipharos
Date: 2009-10-24 21:55:56


I got some insult/jokes. They were originally "blond" jokes, but I edited them slightly.

My idiot friend called me and asked me for my phone number.

Yesterday I went to my idiot friend's house and he was staring at an orange juice box. I asked him "why", he said "because it says concentrate"

His idiot girlfriend put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

My idiot friend tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order.

He tried to drown a fish.

He got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

He tripped over a cordless phone.

He asked for a price check at the dollar store.

He slept with a ruler to see how long he slept.

He studied for a blood test.

When he heard that 90% all crimes occur around the home, he moved.

When he missed the 44 bus he took the 22 bus twice

When he took me to an airport he saw a sign that said airport left, then he turned around and went home.
MEGA ROFLCOPTER! Where did you find these?


http://www.lol.com/

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Bassmasta
Date: 2009-10-24 22:08:31

The Hippie and the Nun

Once upon a time (Approximately, 30 years ago) there was a Hipster who had just gotten stoned. He got on a bus and sat at the back where there was a Nun reading the Bible. Being stoned, he asked, Hey. Wanna hook up and score? The Nun simply replied, No no, thank-you anyway. My virginity is Sacred. Feeling stupid, the Hippie finally gets to his stop and is about to leave when the bus driver stops him.
Dude, if you really want to hook up with her, you should go down to the Church every Sunday. She is a Christian and a dedicated one too. She literally LOVES Jesus! This gave him an idea
He dressed up as Jesus and walked into the Church on Sunday. Sure enough, he saw the Nun praying. He walked up to her, held out his arms and said, Behold. I am the mighty Jesus Christ. Lets score. She was overjoyed

After it was over he ripped off the Costume and screamed, Hah! Im really the Hippie!.

The Nun simply replied, And Im really the Bus Driver.

That reminds me a lot of a similar joke. It goes something like this:

Once in San Francisco there was a cab driver who picked up a nun. While he was driving her he started crying at the wheel. She asked, "My son what is the matter?" He replied, "I can't tell you. You might get offended. "My son, I've been around long enough to hear and experience almost everything. Nothing you say could offend me." "Well, I've always had this fantasy of kissing a nun." "Well my son, if you want to kiss me, you have to be single and a Catholic." "I'm both of those." "Then let's pull over and do it."

So they pulled over in a dark alley and she kissed him so good it would've made a hooker blush. Then when they pulled out on the road, the cab driver said, " I must confess that I have sinned. I'm not a single Catholic man but a married Jewish man." "Its ok my son," replied the nun, "for I am not a nun, but a man on his way to a costume party."

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: ?????(000)
Date: 2009-10-25 10:03:17
There's one in my sig too.

Re: Funny joke

Posted by: Angrysmurf
Date: 2009-10-25 13:24:03

There's one in my sig too.


I fell for that.