as you all know Halloween is coming.
you know, the corporate holiday where we say "GIMME YO CANDY OR I'LL BUST AN EGG IN YO WINDOW", or in translation "trick or treat." So america on average spends about 3.0 million dollars for candy on Halloween, so little kids don't "bust eggs" in our windows. We claimed it was a "christian" holiday, and slapped Samantha from bewitched and just about every awful Tim Burton movie as the mascot for what is now Halloween. Did you know that 3.0 million dollars could go to buy houses in 3rd world countries?
So in an effort to give a middle finger to poor starving kids in India, and Africa, I'm proposing a new christian holiday. It shall be called "Eucharist (communion) day" On that day we celebrate Jesus' last supper by buying the biggest, most expensive, bread loaf we can possibly get. Then we buy red wine (grape juice for the kids) that's been aged precisely 2 years 2 months and 2 seconds. We then starve ourselves for the rest of the day while we hide our pre-bought bread and wine, until it's exactly 11:30 PM. Then the family gathers and sit at a table, singing Still fly by The Devil Wears Prada, devour their meal. Then they say grace, and go to bed after a long day. Eucharist day shall take place on February 29th. If you don't participate, other christian will show you disrespect by filling a Super Soaker with holy water, and douse you until they run out.