The Final Solution
Posted by: Don Watermeleon
Date: 2007-06-17 21:20:37
The Final Solution
By Don Watermeleon
Chapter 1:
?Gallant soldiers to the Knights! I mark the opening of this ceremony in the name of the glorious cause that we stand for! Let the celebration begin!?
Cheering erupted from seats below Our Great Benefactor platform. Samwise has been the Idol for decades, and few remember any Idols before him.
The Knight?s Main Hall could not have been more beautiful. Decorated in the lurid colors of the Council of Knights; a dashing white edged by a shimming sky blue, the Hall was large enough to fit entire platoons of men who have devoted their life to the great mission of the Knights.
To insure peace in the world.
But the cacophony died down a bit as the aging Idol tugged slightly on his blue bowtie, and began to speak again.
?My fellow men, this party has been called in order to recognize your future Idol. Don Watermeleon has served me so loyally for many, many years and I feel comfortable giving my title to him when I finally pass away.?
Don Watermeleon was sitting very stiffly in his throne, which was to the direct right side of Our Great Benefactor Samwise?s one. Don Watermeleon wore an immaculate white uniform that made Samwise?s robes look to shame. With the mention of his name, he gave a slight nod to the troops sitting below him.
However, Don Watermeleon did not look like every other Knight sitting below, nor did he look like Samwise. His head, instead of being that of a traditional human, appeared as a ridiculously large slice of watermelon, with no visible eyes, nose, or mouth. His hands were gloved, and a large collar was pulled over his neck to not reveal any other skin.
?My valiant Don Watermeleon, would you like to begin the ceremony??
Don Watermeleon rose up, and the his large head eclipsed the above lights, making him appear all powerful as beams of bright yellow shone from behind him.
?Why certainly, My Savior. I am more than ready.?
Samwise sat formally back into his throne, and Don Watermeleon kneeled in front of him. Two Knights came out from the audience, with large flags donning the Knight emblem. These troops looked slightly more important than the others viewing the show, and wore fancier outfits than the others. However, their uniforms were outclassed by Don Watermeleon?s.
Don Watermeleon crouched to one knee, and rose his sheathed sword above his head in front of Samwise, who was eye level with the rapier.
?Oh Great Benefactor, hast thou accept me to be your future Idol when death toils to your bedside?? spoke Don Watermeleon, still on his knee and staring at the marble floor.
?Yes, yes I do, my servant.?
?I vow by all the honor in my heart to continue to peace that we so far enforce. My leadership shall work to the highest of my potential.?
?Your valor impresses me, powerful Knight.?
?With all due respect, Our Great Benefactor, I would hate to keep you for too long on such an eventful night. Will you take me as your Idol-to-be??
?Very good, Don Watermeleon. I hearby accept you as the future Idol! You may now rise, my boy.?
Following this statement, a large smile swept across Samwise?s face as he stood up from his chair and stretched out an hand for Don Watermeleon to shake. However, Don Watermeleon immediately unsheathed his sword, and swung down at Samwise?s wrist, instantly mutilating his hand.
The crowd gasped in horror as Samwise slumped back onto his throne, writhing in pain. Don Watermeleon, with his gorgeous, jewel-encrusted vorpal blade in hand walked up infront of the audience to address their concerns.
?D-Don Watermeleon! You just-you just attacked your great Idol!? shouted Samwise in sheer disbelief, as he tried to wrap his bleeding wrist with his once-stainless robes. But the two flag-wielding Knights to his side stabbed the flag poles onto Samwise?s chest, forcing him back into his throne.
?You see,? Don Watermeleon proclaimed to the frightened crowd. ?This wretched figure you see before you, the one you worship as your ?Great Benefactor?, has grown far too old to effectively govern the most powerful army in the world. The Council of Knights. With all of his f**king peace treaties and enemy truces, we cannot effectively show our power, and we cannot allow ourselves to be de-militarized!?
The crowd was still stunned at the events that just took place. This appeared to annoying Don Watermeleon greatly, as he fiercely turned around and clutched Samwise by the neck, dragging him into the air.
?Look at your Idol now, you b*****ds! He?s weak. He?s injured. And he?s far from omnipotent.? yelled the angered Don Watermeleon.
?You?you shall hardly succeed. Even if you t-take my life, evil will always fall?? Samwise replied.
?We shall see about that!? As Don Watermeleon shouted this line, he impaled Samwise right through the chest, and Samwise immediately slumped over. Don Watermeleon dropped the lifeless body of a once powerful idol onto the hard floor, and again faced the Knights, holding his the blood-stained blade by his side.
?My fellow subjects. I, the Don Watermeleon, now assume throne of this diligent organization. From this day on, beginning with the death of the former Idol Samwise, I shall forever be known as Our Great Benefactor.?
The two Knights who had wielded the flags both stepped besides Don Watermeleon, and balanced the flags on the marble floor. The three raised their right arms high above the men sitting below, and shouted with a powerful voice:
?Sieg Heil! Our Great Benefactor Don Watermeleon!?
Chapter 2:
A bolt of lightning was the only thing that glowed bright in this hallow night. Even the gleaming white and blue showcased on the Knight tanks did not attract enough attention. In only a week after Don Watermeleon?s ascension to power, he truly was able to organize the Knight?s military quite well. If the only thing he did right.
The troops were stationed right outside Gammapedia, a hideous castle where mold and dirt were a plethora. The Gammapedia would have blended in perfectly with the dark-gray should it not have been for a neon blue sign that, undeniably, read ?Gammapedia?.
And Don Watermeleon was perched in his throne, wearing an even more extravagant uniform than before. To both of his sides were the two Knights from before. High Knights Cheddar and Deokishisu.
?So, we are finally here. Gammapedia. My latest conquest. I am to presume that my forces have been prepared up to par with my strategy, have they not?? asked Don Watermeleon, just idly turning his head to face Cheddar.
?Indeed so, sir. Oh Great Benefactor, your idea was brilliant. The Terrorists who say Meh, of whom domineer this citadel, are incredibly weak to anything related to romance or love. By using such against them, I feel our raid will be surprisingly easy. Take a look at the prepared uniform, My Master.? replied Cheddar. With a motion of his hand, Cheddar summoned a Knight, who immediately bowed before Don Watermeleon while awaiting any sort of orders.
However, this Knight was strangely dressed. While donning the traditional Knight uniform, he had a large metallic heart attached to his hat, and various flowers painted onto his coat. Though looking hardly professional, Don Watermeleon appeared impressed.
?Cheddar, I say this to very few people, but you have truly outdid yourself. This will be more than enough to take Gammapedia down. Good work.?
?Why thank you, sir. My life is devoted to serve you, Our Great Benefactor.?
?Deokishisu, please brief me on what you have completed.?
As Don Watermeleon made this request, Deokishisu seemed unmoved and continued to stare out into space.
?Deokishisu? Do you not take orders from your Leader? Deokishisu?DEO!? yelled Don Watermeleon, which was enough to make many of Knights jump in fear. Few people had forgotten Don Watermeleon?s usurpation of the Knights not long before, however, rebels were quickly killed off and many were too afraid to start an uprising.
?Huh? My Great Benefactor dawg, you called?? replied Deokishisu, as he began to nonchalantly remove his iPod headphones from his ears.
?High Knight Deokishisu. You have been called upon to discuss the task at hand, and yet you fail to pay attention to me? Of all people, Deokishisu! I f**king own you!? Don Watermeleon then slapped Deokishisu straight across his face, leaving a noticeable red mark that likely hurt considerably.
?Okay, okay, yo. Well, Our Great Benefactor. I gots the troops and they be all organized and s**t like that. They be stationed at the gate and only require the orders of da boss, sir, to go out an? shoot out dem n****rs.?
Don Watermeleon leaned back in his chair, and should he have had a mouth, and evil grin would have likely spread across his red, juicy face. He folded his arms, and gave a prevailing command.
?Let the superlative forces of my Knights strike! Commence the attack!?
—-
Large red lights, though dusty and cracked, began rapidly flashing throughout the castle and an alert bell began ringing. Gammapedia was under siege!
?Hey Izzy, I think our security system has a glitch. That is so leet! Let?s go investigate it in my laboratory back in Glitch City.? commented Abwayax, as he sat next to the other three Terrorists; Foobot, Ragnarok, and Izwzyzx. While each Terrorist who says Meh looked somewhat dingy in their appearance, Abwayax was by far the most intereting, as he had a long black beard, and a funny beret-like hat with a large red star on the left.
?No? It?s not glitch? The dragons have come for me? Don?t let them get me!? shouted Ragnarok in reply, as he jumped up from the grimy chair that he had been sitting in. All four Terrorists were seated around a large TV screen, playing their own edition of Pokemon, which they made so glitchy, sometimes it ended up as a totally different game altogether.
?All of you are wrong! It?s just a false alarm! Would anyone dare to challenge my Preeminence? No one would!? came the opinion Izwzyzx, causing him to feel very, very powerful inside. However, this emotion was quickly broken when Foobot announced the first voice of logic.
?It can?t hurt for us to take precaution. Let?s check the security feed.?
The screen flashed to reveal 4 smaller images, all of which contained the Knights clad in their ?romantic designs? storming through the halls. While many Terrorists who say Meh tried to stop them, they instantly burst into flames upon realizing that the Knights wore illicit imagery such as hearts and flowers.
?Oh noes! We cannot let Gammapedia fall! We must fight back!? proclaimed Abwayax in a slightly nervous tone.
?Let us send Ragnarok to defend ourselves. Unlike us, he has the ability to see such apparel due to the fact he imagines everything as a dragon. If he fails, I?ll just use my Preeminence laser or something else really cool.?
?The dragons? I know they?re here!?
And for the first time for arguably months, the Terrorists heard a noise other than the sound of their video game. Guns. And they could smell the powder, and taste the rip the bullets made in the air.
?Quick! Get behind your chair. Only Ragnarok can look at them!? Foobot shouted, but neither Terrorist responded quickly enough. If a Knight would have come in, they would all have been killed. But the entrant, while definitely an intruder, didn?t look affiliated with the Knights at all. Slowly, while still cloaked in shadows, he emerged from the door that he had shot down and walked into speaking distance. With two large machine guns in hand, and a cigarette in his lips, he could most likely spark fear in almost anyone. Almost.
?Well hello people? he said. ?I hate to barge in like this, but the guys invading your castle are pretty tough, you know. And if you don?t get my help, you will lose!?
Chapter 3
?So?you say you?re name is Lee Nader? Is that so??
The four Terrorist who say Meh had turned their rusty chairs to face the powerful man who had emerged in their presence. This guy was clad in a camouflage uniform, and appeared to be in great shape. With relative ease, he had lifted two enormous machine guns, which were actually a bit taller than him, onto his shoulders.
?Yup. I?m Lee Nader, and I kinda felt like helping you guys. I like to shoot stuff, you know.? replied the splendid figure, now known as Lee Nader. On his face was a somewhat boyish grin that was accompanied by cigarette, which he rolled with his tongue.
The four Terrorists huddled together, and began whispering furiously. At last, they seemed to have come to a conclusion, and Izwzyzx stepped just inches infront of the far-taller Lee Nader, and spoke.
?By the endless stretches of my Preeminence, I shall allow you to ?temporarily? aid us in crushing this Watermeleon bug. He shant take over Gammapedia, and I order you to stop him!?
?Okay. I?m ready whenever you are.? said Lee Nader. After saying this, Lee took a cloth from inside his army jacket, and began polishing his weapons, which had strangely been covered with fresh blood.
?Ragnarok. Go outside of this room and report on how far the enemy is. Then come back at once? ordered Izwzyzx. Ragnarok stood up, began muttering something about dragons, and slowly paced himself to the doorway.
?Izwzyzx?my Dragon Lord? The hall seems to be pretty clea-AHH!?
From the hallway, which was made visible to the Terrorists due to the shattered door, a white gloved hand wrapped itself around Ragnarok?s mouth, and pulled him out of view. Then, two Knights, wearing the traditional Knight uniform without the romantic accessories, began rolling a royal blue carpeting from the door to Izwzyzx?s chair.
?Lee Nader!? exclaimed Foobot. ?Get out of sight. You might be able to provide a sneak attack if Melonhead walks into here.?
Lee Nader gave a cheery smile, and walked back into the engulfing shadows from where he had entered. And just in time, as a legion of Knights began marching to the three Terrorists on the rolled-out carpet. High Knights Cheddar and Deokishisu were infront of about 20 soldiers. While Cheddar held a scroll, which he began unraveling to read, Deokishisu was again listening to his iPod and seemed unnoticing of the surrounding events.
?I shall now summon Our Great Benefactor, the Paramount Idol Don Watermeleon! Troops, make way for the Divine Being.? Upon reading this, Cheddar stepped onto the moldy stone ground, and raised his right hand up high in a Knight salute, as did the rest of the horde, while they anticipated the entrance of Don Watermeleon.
And at last, Don Watermeleon arrived, and calmly walked down the carpet, until stopping in-between Cheddar and Deokishisu. All of the soldiers shouted ?Sieg Heil Our Great Benefactor?, and lowered their hands.
Don Watermeleon straightened his dominant stance, looking all-powerful and intimidating as he towered over everybody in the room. Upon giving a modest bow to Izwzyzx, he crossed his arms and began to speak.
?Ah yes. So you are the Izwzyzx of whom I have heard so very much about. A legendary criminal, who exemplifies himself by using his True Ultimate Power, a gift of Preeminence, to exhibit fear in his followers.?
Izwzyzx rose from his chair, and aggressively faced Don Watermeleon. But even to his fellow Terrorists? eyes, he looked somewhat weaker and smaller than the graceful Don Watermeleon in front of him.
?Don Watermeleon! I order you to leave here at once! If you do not, I shall…why, I?ll shoot a Preeminence Laser at you!? threatened Izwzyzx, whose face had now become as red as an tomato.
?I can see that I am not fully welcome, but then again, I seldom am.? replied Don Watermeleon with a chuckle. He clasped his hands together in a praying fashion, and continued. ?Violence is not fully necessary as of right now. I merely have a single request for you, comrade.?
Chapter 4
The people from both sides of the large room, which was mainly hidden by shadow, stood in anticipation around Don Watermeleon for whatever his request could be. The plan was supposed to just be an attack to exemplify their strengths, but yet it would seem their Great Benefactor wanted something more out of it.
Don Watermeleon appeared to acknowledge this attention, and obviously loved it. With perfect posture and what would be an intimidating stare should he have had eyes, he began to continue his speech.
?As I am sure you know, Preeminence at its base is merely a cluster of Pylons refined into raw power. And as of this moment, I have 6,100 Pylons in my possession. I merely am asking if we could come to a negotiation where I will be allowed to keep, oh, around seven of your Pylons in exchange for possibly a large sum of money or a new castle??
Although Don Watermeleon was quite serious in his query, he seemed to have a somewhat cheerful, yet mocking tone of voice?
Izwzyzx sneered, having formerly expected to be executed or something grave like that, and replied in a rather cocky attitude.
?No way I shall spare MY Pylons on such a low figure as YOU! The Preeminent Izwzyzx speaks. Get out, Melonhead.?
?I am afraid I cannot do that.? replied Don Watermeleon with a sigh. ?Either give me those Pylons, or I shall be forced to?kill you.?
Don Watermeleon snapped his fingers, and the High Knight Cheddar revealed a gun which he had concealed in his jacket. It looked rather much like a pristine white pistol, but had an angel crafted out of a shiny blue material engraved on the tip of the weapon. Cheddar pointed the gun directly at Izwzyzx, but yet said no word. He was merely abiding by his order.
?As you can see, Comrade Izwzyzx, my Knights will have no qualms about eliminating you should you not comply with our demands. I merely ask that you give such a minimal number of seven Pylons to have your life spared.?
?Grr? You have nerve. Definitely, Watermeleon. But I shall not give you anything at all. A gun is a completely useless firearm against me. Due to my Preeminence, I am unharmed by such.?
Don Watermeleon gave a hearty laugh at Izwzyzx?s previous declaration, and continued the conversation.
?Would you wish for me to instruct the High Knight Cheddar to test that out on you??
Upon hearing this, Izwzyzx grew pale and promptly sat back down in his chair. Expressions of both fear and anger spread across his face.
?Argh! I?m telling you, Mr. Don Watermeleon! If you don?t get out of dodge, I will obliterate you with my true ultimate power. I have Preeminence, and I know how to use it! But for this one time offer, I will allow you to escape unscathed if you just leave now? Tell your cheesy Knight I wish not to have a bullet hole in me, even though I could easily repair it!?
?Very well, High Knight Cheddar. Preeminent Izwzyzx is making us such a special offer. How could I refuse? Please lower your weapon.? Don Watermeleon looked back to Cheddar, who with a slightly confused look, put his gun back into his jacket.
But then as swiftly as a fox, Don Watermeleon drew a handgun himself, and shot it straight through Izwzyzx?s stomach. Izwzyzx, while screaming maniacally in pain, slumped over in his chair and fell to the ground, though still alive.
Then High Knight Deokishisu, with a childish grin on his face (And appearing to be exerting full attention on the actions taking place.), harshly grabbed Izwzyzx from the collar of his shirt, and lifted him up to be eye level with Don Watermeleon by his neck.
?By the doomed name of Idol Samwise?I cannot believe that you have paraded around so many years as a complete fraud, Izwzyzx. Even I expected you to at least have a few Pylons in your possession. Though having more than eight would be impossible. Do you know why??
The only Terrorist remaining, Foobot, gaped down in astonishment over not only the gruesome acts currently taking place, but that his leader had been lying to him all along. Izwzyzx, even paler than before and pooling out blood, began to softly reply.
?W-well, why would that be, Watermeleon??
?Because, should you have done any research on your own, there are only 6,107 Pylons in the world that have so far been discovered. I asked for seven hoping you had all seven, but I could have peacefully departed with even only one. But you having nothing at all. So pitiful. You probably don?t even deserve to die at my glorious hands. Excuse me, High Knight Cheddar, but can you again take out your gun and kill this enemy??
?With the greatest of honor, Our Great Benefactor? said Cheddar. He appeared quite happy to finally have a real role in this operation, and was aiming his gun at Izwzyzx when the roar of bullets from another weapon expounded in the hallow room.